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That was what today was...
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I enjoyed So You Think You Can Dance and later sitting outside to watch the lightning.
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I love thunderstorms. I love driving in a nice rain. I didn't drive today, nor did I enjoy my drive in the rain yesterday, but generally speaking it's one of the most relaxing things ever.
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I'm frustrated with work. I feel like I'm failing even though I have done almost nothing wrong. I have higher expectations of myself than I am fulfilling. I love my job, but hate how it's been. I haven't worked since Saturday and that was extra busy...I really want more time to prove myself...I haven't been an S.A. since I first started and I feel like I need the practice. I've had numerous nightmares about everything I fear. I translated some of these fears on a dream website...this is what they came up with:
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~To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future. You feel time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want.
~To see a mess in your dream, symbolizes the state of your waking life. You need to get your life in order.
~To dream that you are under stress, reflects the stress that you are experiencing in your waking life. The stress has carried over into your dream state. Even in your sleep, you may be unable to relax. The dream may call attention to setbacks, obstacles, self-doubts, criticism that you are facing in some waking situation or relationship. You are on the verge of breaking down and need to take some leisure time off to distance yourself from these issues.
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These ideas came from 2 different dreams, both dealing with my job. In one I dreamed I was 13 minutes late which therefore lead me to be fired. In another Ankur was gone and I had to run the bar. I had some unexpected guests that stole some of the liquor as well as broke and spilled everything. In both dreams I had a crazy amount of stress. I even woke up from the dream I got fired in a cold sweat, breathing really heavy, and ready to cry. Everything the website said is EXACTLY how I feel.
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I want August to come so bad. It's an exciting month where I will know exactly how things are in my job, I'm taking a trip to Seattle with which I will have the opportunity to escape the stress of a lot of other things in my life, I will also be experiencing more indepence and getting ready for collge. Though, I don't feel like I'm prepared for the month of August. I have way too much to do, and I'm not in the state of mind to handle August.
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I missed volunteering at the library yesterday, it completely slipped my mind...or at least I lost track of the date.
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Starting tomorrow it is a new month...not for the rest of the world, but for me. It shall be called Junly. I've been trying to work out more, but have found I am completely out of shape...screw that, tomorrow is day 3 and I'll get back to my usual. I'm also sticking to eatting healthier. BK twice in 12 hours just isn't okay...I've hardly had BK twice in my life...let alone twice in 12 hours. I've also been kind of a downer on myself...that has to stop...because I know so long as I get back into things everything will work out. These are just a few of my many goals for the new month of Junly.
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I must not stay up past 1 and not wake up later than 10...I have been ridiculous. I apologize because that's not me...
This is though...with my amigo Mike:
Damn, it's raining outside... =)
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