Happiness, Passion, Strength

Expressing myself is overrated.
Who needs to hear how I feel?
And if they do, who is to say they can fully understand?
I never feel it necessary to grasp an emotion other than happiness, passion, strength and a couple of others.
All the others are wasted--saddness, complaining, bitterness, anger, frustration, etc.
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She is part of the reason for my future
And that's all you need to know...
That's all you need to feel.
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I cherish the words of a song that say "It took a funeral to make me feel alive."
I live to be alive, but why do I die?
I have extended beliefs on what happens afterwards, but you wouldn't understand.
I don't mean to judge you, your intelligence, or beliefs, but it's true.
You have your beliefs and I have mine.
But, the one thing that matters while you're here is that you make the best of it.
I'm pretty sure we can all agree on that.
Ask yourself everyday if you made the best of this day.
Few days the answer to that is yes, but please don't dwell.
It wastes time.
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Acknowledgement and Acceptence
are the two most important words when dealing with problems.
Difficult to do, yes.
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I talk about this for two reasons.
An important person in my life passed away today
And I did terrible on a quiz I took today.
Both completely unrelated in subject matter and intensity,
But yet I discovered both required the same process.
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Thank-you. You were an inspiration.

And, to you, the reader
You are an inspiration to someone more than you'll ever know.
Acknowledge, accept, and live your life.
Stop the worthless emotions and express the others.
Then, you will find true happiness.
I haven't quite found it, but I'm getting there.
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Have a beautiful day.

While You Were Away

Aquaintances have disappeared and I'm left with friends.
I like this situation so much better.
Even though I would probably have had fun if I went home this weekend,
I am 100% satisfied with my decision to stay here
Because my weekend was as much fun (if not more) than if I would have gone home.
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I went to an awesome concert with a person I had only been in the same room with, but never talked to (Chris Polansky)...and it was great. There was very little small talk and our night ended in a large amount of inside jokes. It was in the top 5 best nights of September.
Saturday I went to the gym with Elissa. I must say that I am still sore. She told me I should be doing pushups every night so that the next time we go we will be more prepared. Tonight I will start that, but godddddd my arms hurt. It was really fun though.
Sunday I had a lunch date at the Tea Garden with Andrew Buckholtz. It was delicious. Then we went back to Middlebrook and joined a group of people to do homework. First we got rained out when we were outside so we went inside a building. When we came out a few hours later it turned to November or December. We walked to Lucky Dragon and got Chinese to go. And then just hung out for a while. Andrew, Mike, and I took a bunch of pictures with Andrew's webcam and it was hilarious. This could also be in the top 5 nights/days of September.
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A spider was crawling on the desk next to me in French class today. One of those enormous ones. And it landed on my backpack. I freaked out quite a bit...but it was understandable considering how gross it was. I've decided I have an actually phobia of spiders...not just a fear. I've come to accept that as okay. I'm not in a hurry to get over it...
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Psych
Humanities
Spanish
Is the rest of my day.
Lots of homework is in the future for tonight...
I'm not excited.
I don't want to bike in this cold weather either....
But, I will anyways...
Good day.

Two Hours Time

Today I had great conversation beyond comprehension.
I discussed everything important.
Everything that few people know.
And things I'm pretty sure that not one single person knows.
I tend to tell different people different things.
Not lies,
Just different facts so that nobody can say they completely know me.
I feel like one other person might know a lot of these things I discussed today.
And another person comes close, but can't say that's the truth.
Today I had a person take deep interest in what I had to say.
Usually people don't listen, so I don't tell.
I don't like forcing conversation about myself.
I also don't want people to say that they know me.
Because I don't believe anyone can truly know another person.
And I've had people say they know me even though they don't.
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Generalizations are the worst thing you can say to me.
Then to look at me with that look like I'm wrong.
You don't know what I've never told you.
So trust me when I say what's a false statement about me.
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I felt really refreshed after today and also very inspired.
I feel like I could pull and all nighter and just be productive.
Even though I'm incredibly tired and know that would be very stupid.
I wish I could tell you what I discussed today,
But a part of me believes that you will never truly listen
So I will never truly tell you.
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I'll never call you on your generalizations,
But you'll know when I feel defeated.
I have a look that I give and an attitude that I get.
I'm capable of defending myself, but never want to reveal the information it takes.
Defending myself is also something I don't feel necessary.
I only discuss when things are natural.
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Today was a good day based only on two hours of time.
I wish that every hour were like those two.
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Razzmatazz!

Today's theme turned out to be music.
I surpassed the 3,000 song mark on my itunes.
It was an epic moment.
I have some new favorite bands today: Manchester Orchestra, The Real Tuesday Weld, Under The Influence of Giants, Minus the Bear, The Black Keys, Yo La Tengo, Film School, and Edison Glass.
Next week I'm sure I will have more.
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Today I took two exams.
.French went well. I'm guessing I got 3-5 points off out of 60.
.Spanish went well. The listening section was pretty messed up, but I suppose it's possible I got 100%...unlikely, but possible.
I also took a Psychology discussion essay quiz thing that we do every week. The first of three questions was fairly difficult, but the rest were good and I think I can B.S. well enough to get all the points.
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Today as my Spanish teacher was going on and on about football I was thinking about how people can feel so possessive over a group of talented people. I think the same thing about relationships. I wish I knew why everyone was so desperate to have control over everything. Oh well.
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I really like the word razzmatazz. I'm not sure how I can use it in a conversation, but I'm going to make a direct effort to do so.
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Until later.
Goodbye.

Tri-Lingual Blog

J'ai un cours d'espagnol, francais, psychologie, et sciences humaines. Le francais est passionnant et difficile. Il commence a neuf heures cinq. Le espagnol est facile et il commence a cinq heures moins vingt. Psychologie est ennuyeux et commence a une heure vingt. Sciences humaines est passionnant et commence a doix heures et demie. J'ai espagnol et francais lundi, mardi, mercredi, jeudi, et vendredi. J'ai psychologie lundi, mardi, mercredi, et vendredi et sciences humaines lundi et mercredi.
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I have a French exam tomorrow, obviously. I also have a Spanish exam, but I already know how to say stuff in there. I'm very proud of the above paragraph even though it's really nothing special and is actually really lame, but definately correct besides accents. French is really hard, but I also love it.
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Today was a really really good day. Why, you ask? Well, it started off with a conversation with Mike because he spent the night at my dorm...I'm not much of a morning person, but when people are around me I tend to get over that. Then in French we just reviewed and it was pretty nice. Then on my way back I hit a person on my bike (this is not good), but they survived with no injuries. I wasted some time in my dorm then ate lunch in Middlebrook with Mike. I went to Psychology and actually had a professor I liked (lately the Pysch professors have been super boring). I went to Humanities and loved it as always..for being a 2+ hour class it goes by really fast. I went to the Purple Onion and got a Mocha Chiller. Then in Spanish we played Mata La Mosca and it was fun...I'm starting to really like our class. I also liked my group. Got home and was productive. Took my Psych quiz online and aced it the first time with minimal help from the book and it's over the nervous system. After dancing around my room because I was so happy, I accomplished more. How awesome does that day sound? Pretty darn awesome.
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I must say that I am in a relationship with Sondre Lerche...except he doesn't know it and neither does his wife. I love him. If he wasn't so funny and his accent wasn't so frickin' awesome I wouldn't, but I suppose it also helps that he is fairly attractive and sings/plays the guitar fantasticly. He signed my shirt I bought. I was super excited...still am.
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I love my life here. Even though it's stressful a lot of the time, it is exactly what I want right now.
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I have to get back to studying. I just needed a break.
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Adios. Espero que tengas un buen dia manana y espero que vaya a sacar una A en mi examen de espanol. Hoy yo tuve un buen dia. La moda es una cosa muy importante para mucha gente como la nina de nueve anos y las pinturas que son anuncios. Para mi la moda es una expresion y nada mas. Es estupido siempre estar a la moda sin su propio estilo. Usa tu mente por favor.
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There. I think I'm ready.
Hasta Later.

.Jared.

This is Jared. He wanted me to mention him tonight. He didn't request I put up a picture...especially this one, but it made me laugh and we all love laughter.
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Originally I didn't plan on writing anything so this might be a little lame. Just to clarify.
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Today I saw both of my favorites...then I saw three more new favorites. I went to a twins game. I wandered around downtown Minneapolis with friends. I played "Skunk or Skank"...a game that I pretty much made up...skunk means okay and skank holds true to the name. I did French homework. Um...that seems about all I did. But, it was a very successful day.
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That's really all I have to say. Enjoy the picture of Jared. It's a classic.

Waitin' For a Superman

Today I heard two different conversations in a language I don't comprehend.

First:
*lots of words I don't understand* laxative *more words I don't understand*
*laughter*

Second:
*10 minutes of words I don't understand*
"It's just so hard to take anything seriously."
*10 more minutes of a different language*
"And it was the funniest thing ever."
*Back to the other language...*
"But...at least you have Chinese."
"Yeah, that's true."
*More words I don't understand."

I found them both to be amusing. There was more to the second that was funny, but I can't remember because I wasn't that much of a creeper. They were just right next to me for two hours at a coffee shop and I overheard random English.
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I had a dream that my friend won $1,137 with a $35 gift certificate to a random casino. I want to know why my subconscious picked that number...I was even confused in the dream.
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I found a location I can escape from everything and the location where I'm going to meet the guy of my dreams. I'm just saying...I'm pretty sure that's what is going to happen.
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I have lots of plans for the weekend. This is exciting news. I also have a lot of homework and two exams on Tuesday. This is not exciting news.
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I've decided I will try to make all my twitters at least semi-funny. I tend to not be creative in my humor and just quote other people, but it is now my goal to come up with my own, and might I say I am pretty proud of my accomplishments the past two days. Also, I tend to use twitter to say my frustrations and I've realized most people don't care. This is unimportant news to the majority, but it was necessary to type out. So don't complain.
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There's a guy in my Spanish class that reminds me of someone. That is the only reason I laugh at almost everything he says and feel comfortable enough to make fun of him. I don't know who he reminds me of, but I get closer and closer to figuring it out every day. He let me borrow his "golf" pencil today. I felt pretty honored.
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I have a bunch of pending friendships. Like the kind where you know if you keep working on it you'll have a bunch of close friends, but you're only on the "Hey, how's it going? Let's make sarcastic humor together and then say goodbye." basis. I also met someone named Raha today...she seemed really nice, but I'll probably never see her again. I like how big this school so I can meet someone new every day, but also, I wish those friendships would just cultivate so I would have go-to people.
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I should probably be doing homework.
I will do homework.

Happy TGIF & Rosh Hashanah.

I'm On Fire

My thoughts become tangled
And I feel as if my mind
Is incapable of continuation.
I have all the motivation in the world,
Yet in the moment have none at all.
Inspiration has slipped out from under my palm
Even though I thought I had it captured.
I find my fears only becoming stronger
And my strength becoming weaker.
Yet, I will always look to you and say:
"I am doing just fine. Can you tell?"
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I really am doing just fine.
Today was Thursday.
People know I'm not a fan of Thursdays.
It is supposedly my "best" day of the week this college season
Because I only have 2 classes:
French & Spanish.
Yet, with all this downtime I find myself not having a purpose.
I find myself more inspired when I accomplish things.
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I'm thinking about changing things.
I'm thinking about changing how I deal with Spanish.
I'm thinking about changing my major...or at least one of them.
I'll give the future time to figure itself out,
But Spanish needs to be acted upon.
And just so you know I still want to major in Spanish.
I'm thinking twice about Psychology.
Twice.
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I have a plan
But refuse to flat out state it
Because that leads to pressure and expectations.
Maybe I need some of those
But right now they are unimportant.
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I really hope the inspiration returns.

Mercredi

Yesterday I was inspired.
Today I am still.
Last night I had a dream that I killed the antagonist
Using a fork, a knife, and a bowl...
Yesterday's enemy
Became my new friend today.
Last night I went to bed with a blanket of steam
And awoke to a beautiful breeze.
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I love French.
I love my teacher and I love the language.
I hope she knows what a good teacher she is
Because I've learned more in the past week than I learned in 6 months of Spanish I.
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I read a beautiful poem/book yesterday.
Agamemnon.
Don't read it for the plot.
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Yesterday I experienced my first feeling of "homesickness".
Only it wasn't homesickness.
I just really wanted to go to work at Nosh and Hope's Harvest.
But, as of now, I'm too busy to get a job.
Perhaps once I figure things out.
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I will be receiving lots of mail in the next week.
Lots of fan mail, lots of other mail.
If you desire also, just ask for my address.
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Very soon things will be falling into place.
They are already starting to.
I'm a much happier person now.
And my sickness is slowly disappearing
And today, so is my voice.
But, it's a good thing...it's means I'm recovering.
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I'm thinking about changing my mind.
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I like you.

Sick

I'm sick.
But my body is convinced that it can't get sick.

I feel like I have a fever all over my body.
That feeling in my throat still hasn't gone away,
And I wake up in the middle of the night to cough.
My nose is running
And I feel weak to the point of wanting to collapse.

I need to eat good food.
My eatting habits have been terrible in the past week.
I need to buy groceries.

I just wish I could stop time.

Oh well, I have to go to class soon.
I'll deal with this after French.

Deux Mondes

I have this painful feeling in my throat.
Like right before I get sick.
My nose feels funny
And can't explain how I feel.
Maybe it's stress
Because I refuse to get sick.
Refuse.
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I'm depressed for one reason today.
Only one reason.
One simple reason that I don't really care to talk about
Because it frustrated me so much.
I should get over it though
Because soon enough it won't even matter.
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I had 2 classes.
Did about 8 hours of homework.
My brain is fried.
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I did chat with an awesome someone.
We agreed and we laughed.
We decided I'm "not an angry person."
...or at least I decided.
I'm glad this person is here
Because I might have cried otherwise
And we all know I don't cry.
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I might study for another hour or so.
I might just go to bed.
I might get randomly invited to some random event.
I might just waste time on facebook and itunes.
3 events are very likely. 1 is not likely.
We'll see how it all works out.
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I'm impressed with society
Because neither my bike seat nor the bike itself has been stolen.
However,
I found a condom in the shower this morning
And it left me feeling confused.
I don't know how I feel about society.
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The End.

He Looks Like Prof. Snape

I survived.
And, not only did I survive, but I survived in the rain.
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I'm getting a negative vibe from Psych just based on the fact there's 700 people in it. I find it very hard to focus on anything. People's comments also get to me. But, I promise to make the best of it because it's one of my majors in this moment.
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Ironically my two favorite classes are not the two that are a part of my major. I love French and I love Humanities in the West.
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I almost stood up in the middle of Humanities to give my professor a hug, but I figured that would be inappropriate.
You see, I thought that class got out at 4:25, giving me 15 minutes to the next class (not bad, but more time is better). Instead he says that he will do everything he can to get us out by 4:10 every day. There is also 10 points extra credit for perfect attendance. Woo Hoo!
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One of my Psych instructors said that 80% of our class is statistically suppose to get the Swine Flu.
One person in my Psych class is statistically suppose to be hospitalized.
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I just realized that it is 11:00 and I still haven't done my French homework. I had lots to tell, but I will wait.
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End.

Summary of My Day: Just Because

Today I:
-awoke at 7:03 and decided it is the offical time I will wake up the rest of the year
-understood French only based on Spanish
-lost more blood from a blister than a lot of other injuries I have had
-met a girl named Megan and had at least two things in common with her
-went to lunch with Mike and was once again impressed with my cafeteria's food
-walked Mike to his English class
-ran into my two Welcome Week besties
-knew someone in my Spanish class
-was told to knock on one of the top 5 most talented people I've met's door whenever I come to Middlebrook next
-was called honey by another one of the top five most talented people I've met
-carried my bike down 4 flights of stairs and almost died physically and physcially
-called my mom and she started crying
-did dishes and took out the trash
-listened to more music than the average person
-finally decided to ask for this guy's number just so I can find him in my class of over 700 people tomorrow
-decided I need to make best friends with Tracy, Celina, and Irene, but can't figure out how to do that without being awkward
-made unfortunate eye contact with the pamphlet guy and got handed a pamphlet
-realized I still am out of breath when I get up the stairs
-sweat a lot
-decided I'll wait a week (or until Thursday) before the gym & yoga
-decided I will go poster shopping tomorrow if schedule allows

Lose Everything, Free to do Anything

My floor is no longer dead,
But instead has been filled with snuddy upperclassmen.
I find them quite repulsive.
And apparently they feel the same way about me.
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A group of guys knocked on my door while Riley was visiting.
They introduced themselves.
I wish more people would do that.
It just makes sense.
Even though I'm sure they won't care about me again.
Whatever. It was a nice gesture.
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My feet are covered in blisters.
But, I feel in very good shape
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This week feels really awkward.
Everything about it.
I feel like you have to push everything too fast to get where you want to be.
And that all the people I meet are only aquaintances.
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I haven't quite found what I'm looking for,
But I didn't expect to right away.
I'm satisfied with my decisions
And soon I will be happy.
I am happy.
I'll keep telling myself that.
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*You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile.

*...you're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job. You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself.... You're not your name.... You're not your problems.... You're not your age.... You are not your hopes.

Velociraptor

I'm tired like none other,
And that's always awkward for first impressions.
But, somehow I'm still meeting friends.
Apparently they are the same way.
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The second day and today were the 2 best days for me. 2nd day because there was more free time and today because I'm satisfied with my sanford friend selection. It started off with this one guy introducing himself. And we kind of talked for a while...then during a presentation these two guys turned around and talked. It ended up being us 4 hanging out the rest of the day. I played rockband with Nick and Collin (the two that introduced themselves). It was pretty fun even though they are wayyyy more talented than I am. I wish singing wasn't such a vital tool...or I just wish I could sing good, but whatever. I'm happy.
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I leave in 20 minutes to go listen to Jermaine Davis give a motivational speech. Not too thrilled, but at the same time I guess it wont be too bad...at least I don't have to sit by this one awkward guy anymore.
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That is all for now...I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring except volunteer stuff called "Utopia"...whatever that means....
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Hasta Later!

Title.

Hey.
It's me.
I'm a little uninspired, so excuse my creativity for not being present.
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Today was a good day.
Except for small groups.
Lame.
Though, my group is pretty funny. I can't see any long term friendships with them though so I'll just make casual talk.
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I really love everything about the U. Made some pretty sweet friends. And that's that.
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The days start getting busy as far as Welcome Week goes.
If I can survive this I can survive college.
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Well, I surprisingly have nothing to say....I think I'll walk alone in the dark tonight & I'll just call the escort service to get back. Simple.
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I'll talk to you later I guess....
Excuse me for this boringness.

This Process.

The process of this sucked.
I cried today,
But not because I was sad or because I was leaving,
But rather, I was so frustrated with my mother.
She was being a pain.
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The process of this sucked.
My parents got lost.
Which wasn't bad because we weren't far away and I knew we would figure it out,
But my mom was being a pain.
She's so dramatic.
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This process is worth it.
I love that I can visit people and leave when I want.
I love how I get free escort service.
I love how my room is so peaceful and spacious.
Well not too spacious, but more than I was expecting.
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I put a reed difuser in my room and now it smells like the ocean.
It's quite strong, but I like it.
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I'm really tired, but refuse to sleep.
Perhaps I'll get organized some more.
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Riley and I are hanging out tomorrow.
I like this.