Where Is Home?

It's been a long time since I cried.
I don't like how people expect so much out of me.
I wish I could focus all my energy on one thing, but the world won't allow that.
Right now I wish I had someone with arms I could cry into...
I don't want someone to talk to or someone to apologize for my own feelings...
I'm beginning to wonder if coming home this weekend will really be as epic as I had hoped.
My mom is already frustrating me and not understanding anything.
Meaningless events have already been blown into world extravaganzas...
I wish you could hold a mirror to someone's face and show them how ridiculous they are.
There are so many ridiculous people in this world.
And, the sad thing is they will never know how ridiculous they are.
I have so much to do tonight, but my emotions won't let me do anything but think.
A recent realization is also that I want a relationship,
But I find that idea impossible because for it to be worth it I would have to find this guy that probably doesn't even exist.
Recently if I had Esteban's number I would have called him (just to talk of course...I know we aren't getting back together).
It's probably a good thing I don't have it.
I don't want to end up saying things I don't mean just because I'm a little sad.
I feel like throwing up, yet also feel like eatting.
I hate being vulnerable.
But, it's been so long since I've felt like this that it doesn't really matter to me.
I don't care if you know how I feel...even though you can't possibly know everything.
I feel a little better now after listening to angry music and typing this.
I will survive.
And now I will put on my smile and go read...
Because that's just how it works.